I’m quite useless in a sense that I don’t know how to help people around me, especially when I see a problem that needs addressing. I end up trying to do research on the internet to find out about how I might be able to help, but whether I actually have the guts to take action is another thing altogether. The past few days, I’ve been reading up on self-harm. To be honest, I’ve never quite looked at self-harm from the victim’s point of view. I was always against it, simply because I tend to be judgemental sometimes. But after reading up, I can finally understand the “rational” behind such behaviour. I’m not saying that I support self-harm (mainly because I believe the human body is not to be intentionally treated in such a manner), but rather, I’m ready to accept anyone who does that.

Today, I went to see the ear doctor. My tone audiogram shows that my hearing is still fine – meaning it hasn’t worsened since last year. I see a slight downward trend in my hearing ability, but it’s ok since it’s still hovering around the borders of normal hearing range. I’m quite amazed with the doctor because each time I visit him, he never fails to incorporate some biblical points of view during the consultation. By induction, I think he makes the effort to share the gospel with every patient he sees, and that’s what I admire him for.

Something which happened today left me stunned (in a bad way). I kept quiet and stoned for a few minutes to sort out my thoughts before I finally got my mind off it. I have no idea why I’m typing this since I’m not intending to reveal explicitly what happened. I’m sorry for making whoever reads this read this paragraph.

Anyway, yay for a holiday tomorrow!

I’m one of those k-po (please excuse the spelling – I have no idea how to spell it) people who sat glued to the TV while watching the Manila hostage crisis. But it wasn’t the sort of stereotypical Singaporean k-po-ness, It was, well.. out of concern that I was interested in it (yea I know most Singaporeans would give this sort of excuse anyway). It must have been a horrifying tour to Manila for the Hong Kong-ers. I did feel sorry for them, especially the fact that 8 of them died innocent deaths.

Tomorrow is the first rehearsal for the HSBS youth concert thing. A few representatives from all schools with string ensembles will be playing, and I was given a chance to be one of them. I haven’t practiced the pieces much though…

If there’s one thing that defines me as a Christian student, it’s this:

Those who honour me I will honour…

Never give up, even when things are looking hopeless.

I tried starting this post several times but ended up clearing everything after coming up with barely one sentence each time. Ah, this is the furthest I’ve gone yet…

I aim to learn Mendelssohn’s violin concerto (in E minor) before I die. It’s challenging and I’m eager to start tackling it. I think the fantastic music that comes out of it is worth the technical challenge.

Alright I have to more nonsense to empty out.

Today was a rather interesting day. My cohort went on a trip to Officer Cadet School (OCS), supposedly aimed at stirring enthusiasm about National Service (since 4 in 5 students are guys). Although it didn’t really apply to me, it was a rare and meaningful experience. It was probably the first and last time I stepped into the training institute.

What I liked about the school was that everything was extremely neat and precise. The trees are all aligned, the steps are very consistent, the place is very clean, and I bet each strand of grass was carefully trimmed to a precise height. Very nice.

I tried firing one round of a general purpose machine gun. It was quite cool because everything felt real – looking through the aiming thing, pulling the trigger, and experiencing the recoil. That’s the closest I've ever gotten to a destructive weapon. I tried holding a rifle managed to take a close look at it. It was quite heavy. I wonder how people even run with stuff like that.

I had my fun, but no, I don’t think I’ll ever sign on to the army.

I’ve never been injured like this before – I think I tore a vital muscle while playing badminton for PE yesterday. I didn’t feel any pain after playing, but my arm did feel weird. When I did violin practice at night, I picked up my bow and realised I couldn’t even grip it properly. I tried drawing long bows but each time I reached the tip or had to change direction, my arm would fail to apply enough pressure on the stick and I’d end up with a sloppy sound.

I played a bit of Bach and scales before my arm was aching badly and I couldn’t take it anymore (about 15 minutes), then I stopped.

I have a self-prescribed MC to excuse myself from violin practice today. Well… At least it makes me feel less guilty for skipping one day of practice.

As I type this, my stomach hurts but I’m feeling rather relaxed, probably because I managed to lift quite a bit of work off my shoulders.

I watched Inception yesterday and I’m glad it was a movie that set me thinking – about how amazing (yet scary) it is that we, humans, can dream of things so real, and “bond” with other people virtually. It really hit me at the end when the people woke up from their dream where they had adventures together, built up strong relationships and learnt about each other. When they woke up, they suddenly distanced themselves from each other, as if nothing much had happened.

Are humans able to separate dreams from reality (assuming I’m currently living in reality)? I remember there was once, many years ago, I had a bad dream (commonly known as a nightmare) about a particular lady who had just stepped into church to help out with the music ministry. I had such a bad fright that the following Saturday when I had to see her again, I nearly couldn’t face going to church. I was dreading it and when I saw her, I’d quickly turn away to avoid looking. This continued for some time, and it only faded off after the lady finished serving the church (thankfully, not too long after the dream). I knew what I dreamt was obviously just a dream, but it shook me so much that it affected my reality.

Somehow, differentiating dreams from reality seems to improve with experience. Nowadays, I still have scary dreams that I remember, but much less than when I was younger. Thank God for that – otherwise I’d have a full store of nightmares to scare myself with.

Apart from nightmares, I’ve also had dreams where I interact with people I know (or didn’t expect to know so well). Those types of dreams are harder to remember, but I do remember fragments of them. When I awake from those dreams, sometimes I do get confused. Like I don’t know if I actually told that person what I think I told them – was it just in my dreams, or reality? And, if everyone has such dream-bonding experiences, does it help improve social relationships? Like somehow, we go through adventures with other people that help us “get to know them” better. Through these interactions, we feel more familiar with them, and this somehow aids in developing relationships among people we are connected to?

Sorry, please ignore my post if it seems like rubbish. I don’t know what got into me…

It’s been a really tiring week. The concert’s tomorrow. I stayed back till 10.30pm in school the past 2 days for rehearsals and today was finally a day for relaxing. Well, not really, since I still practiced at home.

The highlight of the performance is Dvorak’s 8th symphony. It’s been an interesting experience playing a symphony. Hearing the different tone colours blasting behind me made orchestra-playing feel different.

It’s another very long day tomorrow.

Alright, enough rambling. I need to do my EE proposal.